Granddad 1st Passing Anniv.

This is a very personal post. Some of you may like it, some of you may don't.. so here goess nothing...

Everyone has someone who’s important to him or her. Someone they cherish more than their own lives. But if that person leaves this world… we have to remember that it’s not our fault… and that they continue to love us… even though they’re gone.
December 24, 2010, my grampa passed away. It's pretty depressing that it happened a day before Christmas last year. I can still remember the call i received from my dad saying that he passed away shortly after me and my sister left to visit him 15 minutes before the actual passing. I feel like my air has just been sucked out away from me. Like my joy went on holiday, and my peace has passed away. My tears began flowing and i asked myself, is this really happening?. I love him so much and it's frustrating to say that i haven't said it one last time to him, but i hope he knows how much i love him. He lived a good and fruitful life, that i'm very sure of. He's the family's patriarch, the wisdom and strength of all of us so without him, everything just doesn't feel right. Like there's a missing piece in my life's puzzle.

X'mas Love.

Hey angel in the snow, I'm under the mistletoe. You are the one for my very own Christmas love. Tell Santa I'm cool this year. My present is standing right here. Thank God above for my very own Christmas Love. -Justin Bieber

I find it strange that the holidays are so notoriously “tough” for singles like me. Valentine’s Day, eh? Alright, I understand that slightly more so, but what is it about the stretch between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve that has people existentially pondering their memberships in the Lonely Hearts Club and forlornly watching the snow accumulate out their windows or better yet hoping it'll snow in this tropical country? Somebody cue the “All By Myself” (I’ll be at the lounge). HAHAHAHA

Christmas Break.

YESSSSS!! Holidays are now officially on, sembreak babyy! :) Time for a personal post. Preliminary exams ended last Saturday, means we'll be in the mood for merry-making, I'm everybody will love that. It also means more time for me to read (which i admit i neglected it for a while), more time to spend with my friends (coz honestly i haven't seen their 'gorgeous' faces as much as i want to like everyday) *winks*, and my fave, more time for jet-setting adventures and escapades. *smiles My Christmas vacation trip is already planned and ready to launch. Something to look forward to. :)

Hollowed Heart.

"No one can look at me the same way you look at me. No one can smile at me the same as you smile at me. No one can drive me mad like you can. And even though you are around I always find myself missing you."-Blink 182

Okay creeeep. Is it a mere coincidence or what. HAHAHA Last Saturday (121011) i published "Mind Over Matter". I told you guys that i'm really trying my hardest to not let him occupy my mind. I didn't notice that my phone vibrated or even beeped after an hour or so. And looking at it... the sender's name is my ex's name. HAHAHA I can't believe it, the world is pulling some strings now... -- i'm kinda nervous to open it - expecting for the worst, i've read the message, it says... "I miss you so badly, Good night :)" - Holycow.. HAHAHAHA He just literally made my heart do cartwheels. Oh brother!! I really think that it's just a coincidence though, considering the fact that i'm blocked on his FB so there's no way he could see my publishing entry (if not right away). I think God is challenging me on how long can I keep him off from my mind, i swear. *laughs* :)

Mind Over Matter.

“If you ask me, how i’m doing; i would say i’m doing just fine. I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind, but i go out and i sit down at a table set for two; and finally i’m forced to face the truth, no matter what i say; i’m not over you”— Gavin DeGraw

Today flipping through my bestfriends' Blackberry album I saw a picture of me and my ex. We broke up for about 5 months ago. The picture was taken last Valentine's day (21411) when he showed up and surprised me with a bouquet of flowers at my school. Still made me tongue tied, butterflied and forget everything. My heart pretty much could’ve launched out of my chest. Shell-shocked, that's the last thing I'd expect to see on her phone, i mean i know about that 'stolen picture' (me holding the flowers while smiling happily at him). The good old times, I thought she already deleted it but i guess not. Looking at it, at the face of the guy that I’ve been trying to remove the engraved hold on my mind and heart. Just his picture made my heart stop, and I realized I was far from being over him. What more if I'd get to see him? Just imagine the what-ifs. *laughs* HAHAHA

Mr. Nice Guy.

Nice guys finish last because they make sure their women came first.

Most of my blog posts is about love, voicing out girl's point of view or the side of the ladies who happens to be in the same situation as me or their situation that I'm relating to. I don't want to be so bias so this post will be about the gentlemen. The guys' turn now. *smiles I have a handful of guy friends too. && I think it would be nice to know more about their side every once in a while considering the fact that they also suffers a lot of drama on their lives. *winks Obviously I'm not a sexist, i respect and value each other's principle. So lets just say that i'm trying to exercise a good balance on this blog. :)

Usually we see the “nice guy” in love with a “good girl”, but the “good girl” is in love with a jerk. The jerk gets the girl, crushes her heart and the good guy is there to mend the pain. Now this is when she will either fall in love with the “nice guy” cause she realized he was there for her the entire time, or (in most cases) she will fall in love with another jerk, who will also crush her heart, and the “nice guy” is there to mend her pain again. This happens oh so very often. It must be irritating and frustrating for the “nice guys” to always experience this.

The 'Good' Guy.

Even "good guys" are guys nonetheless.-MG

And you can quote me on that one. We’ve all seen it. The quintessential “good guy”, with his sharp wardrobe, winning smile, and extensive vocabulary. More often than not, he’s got a decent face and a more-than-decent body (not always, but there seems to be a pattern) *winks*. And there are girls of every color, swooning over him. Why, you might ask? Because he’s got something special.

As we get older, our inner Sandra-Dee/Bella Swan dies; we start to see the Danny Zukos and Edward Cullens for what they really are: deadbeat druggies and sparkling guys who peaked in high school. The “good guy” represents to us safety, security, and a drama-free, picket-fenced happy home one day in the future.

The "good guy" wasn’t supposed to make us feel like we’re special because we’re beautiful and stylish and have a good head on our shoulders, and then like the campus crush's profile picture on Facebook. He wasn’t supposed to lie about his relationship status, and then trick us into helping him cheat on his girlfriend. He wasn’t supposed to be the one with the drinking problem and the tendency to call us “fat”, “ugly”, “worthless”, or “a whore” when he gets inebriated. He wasn’t supposed to try to hook up with one of our best friends behind our backs, because he thinks we’ll never find out.

The “good guy” was supposed to be looking for his counterpart, the “good girl”, who doesn’t show cleavage during business hours, works out for herself, loves children, wants to own her own business one day, and tweets Bible verses every once in a while. Or at least the “cool girl”, who listened to Kendrick Lamar before everyone else found out about him, makes Youtube makeup tutorials, is an avid basketball fan, likes to draw in her free time, and can rock a pair of five-inch heels like a Victoria’s Secret model. He was supposed to rise above his unstable home life, not repeat it. He was supposed to be patient, and sensitive, and faithful, and sweet, and honest, and willing to wait until we were ready.

But therein lies the fallacy of the “good guy”. We, as females, tend to forget that at the end of the day, even “good guys” are guys nonetheless. If he’s anatomically male, he’s likely to be mentally male also; and, if we’re being honest, that pesky pecker controls just as much of his behavior as his brain. (Quite often, he adopted all of his “Bring Home To Mama” qualities with the intention of attracting girls who would be blindly drawn in by them, and wouldn’t expect such regular guy antics.)

While the blunt masculinity of his species is welcomed in some cases, it can also be a disappointing reminder of a sad truth that I’m learning very quickly this year: the all around “good guy” is probably a myth. Guys are guys, that’s it. When it comes to patterned behavior, there is no hierarchy. ”Bad boys” may surprise us just as much as good ones; anyone is capable of doing anything.

I’m not writing this from a place of bitterness, I promise. The funny thing is, I’m actually not bitter about this discovery at all; I’m just a realist. I’m not suggesting that you never trust another “good guy” again. But don’t be fooled by his exterior. He might just be a plain old, lying, cheating, baby-having, “options”-exploring, relationship-disrespecting, notch-on-his-bedpost-having, quoting guy cleverly disguised as an articulate, bowtie-sporting, pre-med student who writes spoken word poetry, listens to gospel music, and claims to love the movie Love & Basketball.

Just .. don’t get too comfortable.

xx, myarah

Hopeless Romantic.

I love that look people get when they’re thinking about someone they like. That dreamy eyed, surfacing smile, floaty look. I love their blinks, and how it looks like they’re brushing stars away from their sight. I love the hesitant breathing. I find it cute that, in their mind, they’re not where they are, but where they want to be.