Smitten.

“For goodness’ sake, I think I’m on the edge
of something new with you.”
— Hurricane, Something Corporate
It seems like every time I post I have some sort of guy situation. I’ve only talked about one though, which was kind of way too old behind. The other posts have been about my past. Ahh, typical hopeless romantic.

Anyway, I haven’t had the feeling of being smitten in a while. Even with the last guy, I didn’t really feel like this. I realized I can still be pretty naive.


But this guy, he’s pretty interesting, he makes me laugh; he makes me happy. I got the feeling of being smitten. When I catch myself smiling like an idiot or getting bubbly, I try to stop myself. Ha Ha Ha

I think it’s just due to past defense mechanisms. But no matter how much I try, my walls eventually come down. Things are pretty okay for now, the talking and texting, getting to know each other type of thing. Things are so up in the air that I’m just trying to go with the flow. But he has me so smitten. I literally could blast out rainbows and happiness. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. It’s actually weird to actually feel okay and not feel batshit crazy like how I used to be. Haha, this post is so atrocious.

I want him to know how important he have become in my eyes. I think about him night and day, the possibilities I see when I look at him. He brought me out of a dark place in this already dimmed world. Resurrected from the depths of loneliness and I have no choice but to thank him. I get to know somebody that truly makes me smile and the thought of losing that now makes my mind race and heart break. He's like the light at the end of a dark past... with him by my side I just feel invincible. I'm so thankful for showing me how to be happy again.

And now I think I like him. Like, I really do. And I've told myself that I shouldn't like anyone. I froze every kind of feeling that I had about love. But now I realize that I like him. Not that kind of “omg let’s make out” like, but the “let’s cuddle and listen to music and watch movies and walk on the beach” kind. That kind of like that makes your stomach full of butterflies and makes you freak out. That kind of like that doesn't hurt, doesn't makes you cry at night. That kind of like that you don’t know that you’re liking until you found out that you do. The kind that you write about it. That you’re okay with the fact that maybe it’s never going to happen. ‘Cause you don’t desperately need it to happen. You just fine liking it. And I’m actually happy that nobody knows about the fact that I like you. Except that now I think they do. *laughs*


M-

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