When I'm Done.

Up until this point i had convinced myself that i would much rather love you just to keep you than lose you as a friend, but its not healthy for me. Something inside me is latched on to you and wont let go and everybody knows that but i have to concede now to this losing battle because i can never win you and I'm not sure if i want to anymore.

It’ll be hard not having you here. Not randomly getting your texts. Randomly deciding to go eat. Randomly going out and just have fun. No more nights where you pick me up and we just ride somewhere. No more nights where we fight over the little things. No more nights where we watch movies and take strolls. No more nights where we have coffee boosts and we just talk. No more of your smiles. No more of your eyes. No more of your voice. No more of you.

But I'm done over thinking, done thinking that this will all work out, done living with this constant heartache. I'm done. I know my heart will never be the same, but I'll get a little bit stronger. It's not going to happen overnight but I'll turn around and months will have gone by without thinking about you.

I remember this cycle... once too many. I hope not to hear whatever you said many times before like how you miss me, how it was all your fault and that you fucked up, if i still had the last three text that said that 'i can almost promise you', they'd be almost exactly the same. I was willing to try and move on and try and be friends but i don't think we can be friends. If you would've just left it alone and not brought it back up, we could have been friends and left this all behind us but i don't think that's possible anymore. You want the relationship, but guess what? a relationship is a benefit to both people, when that person makes you feel better than any other person. I felt like shit when i was with you.

I tried to change because i thought it was something i really need. I compromise for a lot of times. I don't expect or want to be waited on like a mother f*cking princess but myself esteem was never lower than when i was with you.  I don't even know how i put up with all that for all those times. I'm done with you. I'm not putting up with feeling so low again, especially not for a 3rd time. I know I can find someone who only builds me up, and can put you to shame by what you did to me. I hope you regret or at least learn from everything you did to me, and it better not have just rolled off your back. I hope you'll learn from your mistakes, because if you make the same ones with some other girl, I hope she'll kick you in the gut and knock some sense into you.

You don't treat anyone the way you treated me, ever. and no apology can ever fix that. When I look back, a lot, A LOT of the times when I’d get so sad or mad, it had to do with you.-MG

Worst is when you tell something that has happened to you and you expected me to be happy/excited for you, you still accused me that I don't care like whoaa, but tell you what I ask people what advice i can give to you because I have no idea what to do it's obviously shows because i have my own set of problems and i don't even know what to do with them but I tried to comfort you in the way that i know.. and yet you don't see it. It's always gonna be about you. I'm done.



bloggin'
xx, myarah

1 comment

Anonymous | December 18, 2012 at 5:47 PM

You'll get over it soon, you're a strong independent girl. If you have been happy with the wrong one, what more if you met the right one :)

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