Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you’re going through. You don’t deserve to go through so much pain everyday. Stay strong.
I’ve been protecting my heart and keeping my guard’s up but that’s not gonna take me anywhere, i knoww. I guess you can say that i am scared, very scared to get close to anyone, again. Sometimes i wonder if i would actually find someone who will take their time to break down my walls. I can be very stubborn and most people give up on me as well. As much as i want to be loved, or even wanted, its just so hard for me to trust people nowadays.
All i tell myself is to stay strong, it’ll be over soon. I'm just being contented with all the ways there are in life. For this week i tried keeping myself busy, I went to the mall this Monday to have a spending splurge on books, I can't believe how i carried all those 10 books without breaking an arm because I'm all by myself, gosh that was heavy. HAHAHA Then Tuesday i went to school and as usual I'm late for my 7am class, but the good part is, it's just for 30 minutes so my seatmates were like "hey, you're early" because usually I'm 40 minutes or more late. :)) There comes Wednesday, the day of my Thesis Defense, i really like something like that, and fortunately me and my groupmates nailed it. CONGRATS to us!. So for Thursday, went to a coffee shop, brought some books and my notepad to start scribbling my drafts for the next blog posts. Let myself drift for a while, it was a sweet escape. <3 And for Friday, because my school is celebrating it's foundation day there are no classes, so again I went to my comfort place, same routine, coffee shop + practicing my independence + books LOL.
Actually that's my trick there to never let the loneliness get the best of me, I'm rejecting it, so I escape through books without really escaping. I spent this whole week being alone, just to clear my mind and to have this 'alone' time to step back and assess the whole situation. It actually helped, I can feel that I'm healing emotionally. So for these coming week I'm planning to spend more time with some friends and family because obviously i have enough of that 'alone' time. :)
The prettiest smiles hid the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.The kindest hearts have felt the most pain.
But even though I'm trying my best to be preoccupied, there are a few moment where I just sat here and thought “Wow. I’m so dumb. Why have I sat here so sad for so long? It doesn't help. I’m going to be happy.” I’m not going to be emotionless, but I’ll be happier. I’m not going to cry on every lil things as much as I used to. I know I’m not going to be completely happy all the time, but I’ll be different than I was. I’m not going to ignore those who pisses me off, but I’ll decide what to listen to and what to not to. This is the life that God gave me, and He didn’t want me to spend it being depressed. I know things will get better.
Happiness is a choice <3
You deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, and to have an actual shot at life. Don’t let anybody tell you that you’re not good enough. Because you’re perfectly you. Everyone is different, and that’s what makes you so effing special. Some people just don’t appreciate that. But I do, and so many other people do. When you’re struggling, just breathe. Listen to some music. Read some books. Talk to somebody. Anybody. One of your friends, somebody you trust, one of your followers, or me. Because, whether you believe it or not, you’re not alone. There are a lot of us in these situations, and we all understand. I’m always here for any of you. Stay strong, beautiful.