Make This Right.

Ever have that one person in your life that you just can’t give up on, the one person that can screw you overtime after time, yet you always seem to give them another chance? And no matter how many times you say this is their last one, you know it’s a lie because there’s always another chance waiting for them, but you can’t find a way to let them go?

Last night i had a deep conversation with someone very special to me. We talked for almost an hour about every little things that we can think about then we jumped on the topic about how things ended between us for over half a year ago. It's funny because now we can talk about it casually, meaning with no hard feelings whatsoever at all. :) I just realized so many things... and one of them is being too weak. I thought i was doing the right thing, but i guess it's not that right.

More than too much weight on my shoulders, It feels like i gave up, didn't try hard enough to keep him right here. I know that it sucks when id let him down somehow, but i never meant to. He was unhappy so i don't want to prolong it. I thought it was the right thing to do. But when i should have said don’t go, i didn't say it loud enough. Sorry.
I guess things are getting better for the both of us because everything is becoming fine now, but at the same time I feel bad because too much time has been wasted. When we're talking the other night and knowing that part of you still cares about me, it really made me happy. I’m glad that we can kind of be friends now and things won’t be so awkward anymore. I’m so much stronger now than I was when I was before and I’m so proud on how things are going.

I just want him... that's all i can think about today. We've been hurt and now all I want is another chance to know that everything changed, to know that we can be mature about everything. I just want to be able to call him mine and to say “i love you” and get one back. I want to be excited waking up in the mornings expecting a “have a great day at school” kind of text message.

I don't want some any other boy from wherever, I want the boy I’ve loved for the past year and I don’t want to lose him again because of an idiotic mistake.
I don’t want this to end, not now or ever again. I love how our friendship is growing and i want to take care of it. He is the greatest thing that has happened to me and I made a horrible mistake when i let him go which I regret every second. Things were done cannot be undone, and I accept that. I just want another chance to be able to prove to him that I’m good enough, that I have grew up, that I want need him... Another chance to put a smile on his face. Another chance to let him know that I love him. Another chance to make him want me like I want him. Another chance to hear him say he loves me more than I love him in little play “fights”. Another chance to make this right.

But I'm not saying this to rush things, because i know that beautiful things happens at the right moment, the right time. I'm just saying this because we never know, I might lose a chance to say all of these things. I just want to live life as if it's my last day. There's so many unsaid things before which i regret not saying, so to our fresh slate.. if i want to tell him things, I'll tell him right away... coz he ought to know. He ought to know how much he means to me. <3

Okaay, i'm getting too serious about this post, which i don't normally do. But heyy: once or twice lets be fine with it. OKAAAY?  HAHA :)

xx, myarah


Maegan Lo | January 30, 2012 at 11:28 PM

oh my gosh!! this is sharing, it's nice to know you trust us, your readers !!!, about this personal matters :> You're truly beautiful!

Jeno Belisario | January 30, 2012 at 11:32 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeno Belisario | January 30, 2012 at 11:33 PM

nice post marah.. ;-)

Anonymous | January 30, 2012 at 11:36 PM

i can just feel all the emotions i love every bits of it! that's the spirit at least if you won't get him back u won't have any regrets bcos u know u did ur best !!

Marah Gaa | January 30, 2012 at 11:39 PM

Maegan Lo - thank youu so much!! :">

Jeno Belisario - thanks for reading! :)

Anonymous - i'm outta words but i really really appreciate everythin that u said! :"> thanks!

Arriana | January 30, 2012 at 11:47 PM

I cant find the right words to say, i love this post, by far this one has the most emotions in it, just my opinion i actually got teary-eyed because i was moved by how you expressed yourself. it made me see that there are still some people who loves someone so much and good thing you're one of those!! beautiful and smart, god you're perfect! ;') thanks for this post! i love reading it!! -Arriana

Anonymous | February 13, 2012 at 11:15 PM

Great post! I can feel you...

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