“If you ask me, how i’m doing; i would say i’m doing just fine. I would lie and say that you’re not on my mind, but i go out and i sit down at a table set for two; and finally i’m forced to face the truth, no matter what i say; i’m not over you”— Gavin DeGraw
I’ll always miss what we had; even the misunderstanding and the lil fights in between. What we had, to others, might had been avoidable. But personally, attraction cannot be ignored. Through all the pain and smiles we both admitted that it was something extremely special. Even though we both admit such, it doesn't change the fact that things had ended. All these space that developed between us, it made me really think that beyond all those downs' there's a lot more good stuffs between you and me - all the dreams, the future, the should've, could've & would've. There's really more for us.. but it was washed away when things became so fast to complicated. So complicated for us to even be fixed.
I wish I could stop thinking. I wish I could turn off my brain and stop my mind from wandering. It wanders over to the edge of the water; an unsafe territory. You’re there. You’re always there. I thought that letting go would be easier than this. I was so wrong.
It's been a few months and I’m not quite sure if I had cried the last tear for him yet, but I’m trying my best to really not allow him to enter my head anymore. I keep myself busy, preoccupied about anything. I haven’t been
completely successful at it but i'm getting good at it. See, I don’t know if he will ever leave my heart. I figured, I can at least keep him off my mind. Sometimes, however, it’s not as easy as it seems. He’d get in there and affect my heart. Then it will hurt more than it ever did before.
We both walked down different paths now. I’ve grown to know what kind of person that I need to be or more so I've to grown to expose myself to different situations to toughen me up during the past months. I was honest enough to lower down some walls so he would know the truth. I stand by to what I have told him. What we cannot help, can never be present.
The worst part is when he enters my dream, this happens more often than before. Like seriously, Nyx, Queen of the Night & Dreams, What are you up to? What's up with that?. HAHA LOL && You know when everything seems real in the dream. You actually forgot that you're in a dream. Then you wake up and you realized even more that it was gone and that he was gone, and while you’re still thinking about him, dreaming about him— that he’s completely over you. Then without noticing it, the tears that you thought ran out comes back pouring down and you ask yourself again, when does it stop?
Well It didn’t work today—getting him off my mind..guess I’ll try again tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. Maybe one day, I wouldn't think about him this much, and maybe pain will give me a break for a while. Someday, somehow. *winks