Make Up Your Mind.

I was not born to insist myself to someone who doesn't want me. I give love, yes I do. I don't easily fall for someone who makes me feel special but when i do, my eyes and heart are set on him. But when I sense that the person is starting to get rid of me for good, I won't waste time. I won't wait for them to neglect my presence. Love don't fade easily, but mark my words. I can contradict my feelings just to make sure I won't look stupid.
“You had me. You had me and then you left. It has nothing to do with me, it’s all about you. And it’s always been about you: what you need and what you want. You know, it seems like you only want me when you can’t have me. You like the chase and that’s all. So you know what? You can have it.”
— The O.C.
Do not mess with someone else's feelings just because you are unsure of yours.

Are you trying to play me? You tried to get rid of me, and now you act like you want me. Are you having a mental tug of war between those two? But tell you what it doesn't work both ways. It's either you want me or you don't. You are so confusing. Your indecisiveness is killing me. One day you make me feel like I'm something special to you then on the next day you act like you don't care. Every time I hear from you, you sounded like you still care. You said you miss me. I’m confused because I don’t know if you’re just checking to make sure I’m not happy without you, or if it’s because you really do miss me. Deep down I want to stop caring, but every time I get you off my mind, and start to forget about you, you come out of nowhere and act as if you still care about me. Its best that I completely block you out of my life. Our relationship would never lead to anything, as long as you don't make up your mind...

Honestly I'm tired of his mind games. I have no idea what's going on on his head. And I'm not sure if i really wanna know. He already deleted my connection to him on a social network. So i assume that's one of the signs that shows he's moving on, honestly that hurts and felt great at the same time. Hurts because it just means that he no longer wants to put up with anything that has a connection to me (posts and statuses). && Felt great because i know it will help me move on with my life too. Couple of days later he messaged me saying that he's sorry for doing so and hopes that I'm not mad. He thought of asking permission first but just chose not to. Then he also said that it's much better to put up with it because we may have put a status or even posts that may cause pain or offense to the both of us without really knowing it. He doesn't want to have an argument or whatever with me.

I’m sick and tired of your attitude,
I’m feeling like I don’t know you,
you tell me that you want me then cut me down.-Taylor Swift
I got the point. I can see the good intentions in it. The truth is I'm anticipating that he'll delete me. It's just a matter of when. I just can't say that i totally agree to post/statuses part of the excuse. I mean if you really don't want to cause any arguments or pain, you will never even gonna think about putting it on the first place.  So now I'm wondering, are you now slagging me off on your statuses? on your posts? indirectly or indirect? It kinda makes me wonder now that we no longer have a connection. But anyway i agree that it's for the better, day by day i come to the realization that, he no longer wants to be a part of my life, so I'll do myself a favor and let go.

Maybe some of you are wondering about my response to that message, well i didn't reply to it. Because nothing will change, it will just be the same, so why bother. He's gone and being friends with him hurts more than being nothing. So i choose the latter.

I don't know what's my stand on his life and i have no idea why it's so hard to keep up with all of this. I'm not mad, that's the truth.

xx, myarah


Anonymous | November 15, 2011 at 4:54 PM

very relatable :)

uRitchii | November 15, 2011 at 5:17 PM

related saken :)

Myarahh | November 15, 2011 at 5:39 PM

wow! thanks anon! thanks ricci! <3 :)

Arriana | November 16, 2011 at 6:31 PM

My fave blogger, i actually bookmarked your blog ! love, Brazil!

Anonymous | November 16, 2011 at 9:52 PM

"I don't know what's my stand on his life and i have no idea why it's so hard to keep up with all of this. I'm not mad, that's the truth."

I love all of your posts.All of it,thank you for those.Keep it up.
Clare :)

Myarahh | November 16, 2011 at 10:52 PM

Thanks Arriana <3 felt the love over there ! :)

Thanks so much Clare! <3 i Appreciate it! :)

Dewi khulaifah | June 29, 2015 at 1:50 AM

I love your post so much. Because, that's what I feel now

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