Inhale LOVE, Exhale HATE.

Just because I closed the book, doesn't mean the pain is going to go away quickly. I thought things were normal, things were looking better for both of us. Yes, you and I weren’t speaking, but we still were at least hanging on by a thread.

It sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through old photos, old text messages, even old statuses/tweets. Then you'll just remember him.. his eyes, smile, that look when you did something stupid, the way he'll mock you or tease you.. everything and it brings a smile to your face, but then the hurt comes back and you know you shouldn't be looking back, but you can't help it because they really meant something to you and you thought it would of lasted.

It’s a shame because we love each other so much. But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.
When my close friends asks "How's the moving on goin'" and i'll reply as same old, same old - one step at a time. They'll just laugh and say there're many fishes on the sea blah blah blah. I got their point it's been already a few months, but you know what they say, you can't easily forget someone who gave you so much to remember. It's like trying to remember someone you didn't even encounter on your whole life. I'm not in a hurry though, i'm happy and contented with my life. Thank God for that. :)

I just hate that I'll see something or be in the most creepy/funny/saddening/dire situations  and want to tell him about it or share those stories with him, only to realize that he don't care anymore, that he's gone and not coming back, then he's online, and its horrible knowing he's right there, but I can't say anything to him, yet just the fact that his presence is there comforts me. Part of me still wants him, obviously and the other half of me just wants to forget and be done with this completely. Before he deleted me on facebook, sometimes with all my craziness goin' on I just want to knock on his picture on the computer screen and say hey, hey you!. Remember me?. I'm still here, I used to mean something to you, remember?. Embarrassing but true. LOL

I’m stuck in a ruckus. Honestly, how do I escape? I really think I want to, but I don’t know how to. I’ve been trapped for like more that a year with him. I’m tired of him occupying my mind constantly and having nostalgia smack me across the face every once in awhile. His memory keeps coming back though. We talk everyday before and when we do it’s for hours and hours and now we don't not even a single Hi or Hello. I’m sick of looking for him in every other guy I see, because there’s obviously nobody else like him out there. He's a loser, my kind of loser. *smiles* so I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment. I don’t know. I’m rambling because I don’t even know what I’m trying to say because I don’t even know how to resolve this.

It's not the Goodbye that hurts, but the Flashbacks that follow.
Honestly i don't want to runaway coz it will just haunt you, i don't want to be a coward so i might as well face it, right?. I haven't thought there'll be a day that all of the memories will keep running back. HAHA They say focus on the bad things, the imperfections, the wrong-doings, it'll surely make you forget or even hate him. What's the strongest feeling other than love... hate. If you do that you'll wake up from the madness and you'll be cured completely from the lovesickness. Satisfaction guaranteed. LOL

-The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Too bad, i don't have a heart to hate. *wink* Instead i'll keep on focusing on the good memories... like when he gave me a flower, but because of my clumsiness i broke it's stem by ACCIDENT or the way he pinches my nose or teases me about my haircolor or his never-ending pick-up lines HAHA i think it's better that way... to inhale Love and exhale Hate. I don't want to be bitter about it. It will contradict all the beliefs i had and all the blogs i posted in here. & yup, i'm missing him so much but i'm moving on at the same time. I'm still knowing how can i do it both. :)

xx, myarah


Anonymous | November 1, 2011 at 9:44 PM

love everything about this!

myarahh | November 1, 2011 at 10:42 PM

Thank you <3 :)

Anonymous | November 3, 2011 at 2:42 PM


anthonette | November 3, 2011 at 3:08 PM

lurve it! <3 :)

myarahh | November 3, 2011 at 8:39 PM

aweee! thankss :"> *smiles*

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