"To keep your life moving in a healthy direction, you need to determine exactly where an ex fits into your life, or he'll continue to affect you and your future relationships," -Janice Levine“I still want to be friends.” “We’re better as friends than lovers.” Those words are the kiss of death in many relationships. Are they simply said to soften the blow or are they genuine? Even with the best of intentions, it’s tough to become buddies after a breakup.
Naturally, the thought of never seeing or speaking to your loved one again is scary. That’s why so many couples wants to remain friends or at least one of the side. And that’s why so many women believe a platonic relationship is better than losing someone entirely. The problem is a lot of people want to stay friends because it’s hard to break up. You dated for awhile and then all of the sudden you never speak? Then he puts you on Facebook limited profile view? or more like removed you from his friends list & sometimes he blocked you out completely. Then he doesn’t even acknowledge your presence anymore?? Um, RUDE! You did NOT sign up for this! LOL
This is an especially important question to ask if you didn’t initiate the breakup.
Hanging onto the “friendship” can prevent you from opening the next chapter of your life. Whether it’s getting back in the dating scene or finding a new group of friends to hang out with, clinging to your ex (especially if the relationship didn’t end on good terms) will inevitably delay your healing process. After all, how can you move on from someone who you still consider such a huge part of your everyday life?
And if the breakup wasn’t mutual, a friendship could be fueling false hopes for one of you. Are you prepared to break up, make up and then do it all over again? Even if the relationship ended for a good reason, you can still repeat an unhealthy cycle.
The hardest part of breaking up is the reality that you won’t be involved in your ex’s daily life anymore. And remaining friends might feel like a good way to ease the blow. But you need to think about what’s best for you in the long term, even when you’re devastated and going through the initial grieving process. Come to think of it you can't really be friends afterwards, coz the moment when you too became friendly with each other again, you'll just remember those exchange of iloveyou's and sweet gestures in between those moments. That things will never be the same again. Then you'll just feel sad again so it will prolong the hurting.
Last time my ex invited me in advance to his bday and i said i would come, but a few weeks before his bday something worst happened, we fought and that just marked the end of us, completely. Then i greeted him on his bday, he invited me again and also my friends to come. I guess maybe he just invited me again because he invited my friends, like he did that out of his nice nature. On the day of the celebration i didn't show up, first because it would be too awkward, we both know that we are not in good terms anymore, second, my friends are not coming because they have personal matters to attend to, i'll just feel alone so no and lastly i don't think i'm that welcome anymore. I can't just pretend that all is good for the both of us, i can't just be friends with someone i just recently broke up with then act like nothing ever happened.
And to make matters more confusing, during the break up, one or both parties actually utters the words, 'I think we are better off as friends.' Sometimes they mean it and sometimes they don't. But don’t panic. Staying friends can work, depending on your maturity level but don't rush if something's bound to happen, it will happen.
As strange as it sounds, when it comes to the opposite sex, love is not always a solid foundation for a friendship. So figure out what works for you and your ex. You have to do what is healthy for you and your future relationships. If he’s still in love with you, or you’re still in love with him, you might want to wait until things cool down. Then, if you want to be friends, great. If you don’t, that’s okay too.
And it doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly. Yes, some exes are hostile. But some are nice enough to say hi or two.