Lost in Love.

No matter where life takes us, we had something special. i never wanted it to end and i never wanted to replace it. but there's nothing i can do.

I'm in 'that' moment when you want to tell someone that they’re all that you think about, but everything else has gotten in the way and you’ve fucked up once to many. That moment when you just really want to let go and break down, but you can’t because the time for 'that' has passed and you have to deal with the pain. That moment when you really wish they were still there, even as a friend, and you didn’t feel awkward texting or even calling them. That moment when you can’t say anything about it, because it can no longer be so and you'll ask yourself what the hell is the point?.

The moment when you feel hollow and go through the motions of living, but cannot seem to understand if you actually is or not. That moment when you’re trying to make sense of what happened and why you always cause this. That moment when you are so happy and then a familiar song comes around and it once brought you so high, but now the words swirl within your mind creating a horrible whirlpool that sucks away all feelings and leaves you completely empty. It's haunting me, i guess. HAHA It makes me laugh and fill with dread at the same time.
I can still remember when my former flame told me he loved me so much and that he'll feel lost if i'll go away. Funnyyy coz i still remember every bits of the words he told me before, like it seared in my brain like a tatt even if he already forgotten all about it. We had such an amazing time when we were together. It was just perfect. I really thought the world of him. Then out of nowhere things that should not happen, happened. I was distraught, heartbroken, and felt foolish.

We were like strangers, who knew each other very well.

What I don't understand is after all that hurt why do i miss him so much? Will it just go in time.. I'm not exactly hurting much now (that has passed) but I still think of him.. he appears in my dreams and stuff and always in my thoughts. A couple of weeks ago, he asked me a couple of times & he told me he wanted to meet me, so i believed i meant a lot to him.. but i refused to see him, i even lied to him about it (i feel bad about it though). I just want to protect myself because the moment that i might see him - it'll just remind me that i love him so much & that i haven't forgotten what we had yet, it'll just make me realize that after all this time i haven't even made any progress upon moving on and to make matters worst it's because i don't want him to see me at my lowest, ever. He said I was like someone who can made him stupidly happy but his actions says otherwise. I really want too fully recover.. how long does it take?. *sigh*

xx, myarah


kentot | October 6, 2011 at 10:42 PM

Just let time do the healing. :)

Kahlia | October 8, 2011 at 8:12 AM

Love takes time to heal

faithasaforeverhope | October 10, 2011 at 10:56 PM

time has all power in it the thing which he ask from you in return is time only...
Finally marah ♥♥♥♥ your blog and no words for this...

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